So this past week has been the very busiest in many, many years. As test coordinator at Eastern Hills High School I am in charge of organizing, prepping and maintaining security for all the state mandated testing. Any educators out there understand what a huge task that must be for a campus of 1200. Plus, not to mention that this year our 9th graders are on STAAR and 10-12 are still on TAKS. It's a crazy world. Well, the short of it is that I had NO idea what a huge task it really was. I knew everything that needed to be done. I knew how to do it all. What I didn't anticipate was how LONG everything would take! Not to mention that the campus was crazy with 3 administrators gone all week. So, as Tuesday night came and I HAD to have everything ready for Wednesday morning, I had a panic attack. Almost literally. It was 6:30 and I realized that even if I pulled an all-nighter all the labels wouldn't get on the books and answer documents and all my folders wouldn't get made. I felt sick at my stomach and the thought of food made me want to puke even though I hadn't eaten since around 10:00 that morning. It was in that moment that I felt like I saw a HUGE neon sign said, "Jodi, you can't do this alone. You need help!"
I don't like to admit that I need help on something. I like to take credit for things. There's this guilt complex that starts to happen when I ask for help and I feel horrible for inconveniencing somebody else. But, in this instance, I had NO choice. I remember a co-worke/friend saying as she left for the evening, "are you sure you don't need anything else?" and like a robot I replied, "No, I'm fine". So, while holding back tears, I called her and said I needed help. She got dressed and came up to the school to help. Together we did what would have taken me all night in about 2 1/2 hours! So we left the school at 9:30 and each of us brought a few things home to complete. On the way home, I fell apart and sobbed. I called my sister and was so thankful she answered the phone. She prayed for me and just listened to me vent almost the entire way home. I am so blessed to have her to call and any time when I need it. As soon as I got home I fell apart again in Kurt's arms. I think I'd been holding that cry in for a good while. He took everything out of my hands, made me sit at the kitchen table and eat something. Again, I'm so blessed to be surrounded by so much support! So thinking back to my feelings: I felt stupid for not asking for help sooner (part of it was pride but part of it was honestly not knowing how long it would take). But now I know!! I know I must rely on others.
Now isn't that so much like our spiritual life? Are you like me and don't feel worthy to ask for help spiritually. In meditating on these thoughts this week, I found that this 'not asking for help' thing is a major issue for me. I feel bad when I ask for a prayer request. How silly is that? I guess I'm just a 'jolly Jodi' and so when I have an issue I try to see the best in it. That doesn't make sense. Anyway, I've yet to get to the root of all of this in my life, but I have committed to try to more transparent with my needs. What are your thoughts? Any suggestions for getting out of this 'not seeking help' complex I have discovered I have?
So, as far as weight-loss goes this week....I didn't lose anything. I gained 1 pound. I didn't workout at all. I was up until almost 1am every night and out the door at 5:30 every morning getting things ready for the testing. I tried to eat good, but I often had to settle for a Lara Bar or Cliff Bar instead of my salad and veggies. So overall I'm happy to have only gained 1 pound. I was afraid that after 4 weeks of being so strict that my body would revolt and gain a lot. Since I was kind of out of it nutrition-wise last week, I'm finding it hard to kick back into it. I don't want to go to the gym. But I will and I am in the morning. I'm just hoping that once I go tomorrow morning I will live off that adrenaline feeling and will yearn for it again. I'm not stopping by any means, just feeling less motivated.
No comments:
Post a Comment